Healing from my past

This has been an interesting week to say the least. I woke up Monday morning with a severe headache and nausea. I went in to work, got an adjustment from Doc. and went back home to sleep. Later in the day I was not feeling any better so I went back in for another adjustment. My daughter came over later in the evening and insisted I go to the E.R. and get a shot for the headache and nausea. So we spent about 4 hours in the E.R. but I did get a good nights sleep from it. I woke up Tues. still not feeling well and with a hangover from the pain shot and phenegran shot they had given me the night before, so once again I stayed home from work and slept. On Tuesday evening the diarhea started. So maybe it wasn't a migraine afterall. It is now 5a.m. on Sat. morning and I still have mild nausea after eating. Just wish it would go away. I find it ironic that I got sick at the end of a seven day fast from the internet. I was given a challenge from a friend to stay off the internet for seven days. Several people commented that I was having withdrawals from my fast. I thought this was funny at first but am now wondering, is there a connection? Guess I will have to pray about that one and see what God has to say about it.
I recently started counseling at the advice of a friend. Thursday was a rough session. She really had me thinking about my past. I had to fill out a form and list people in my life who had hurt me in some way. And then compare that with how I was treated in my childhood by various people. It was enlightening how I tend to pick men who treat me the same way I was treated as a child. We are now working on how I can overcome my past so that I pick men who will treat me the way God intended for a woman to be treated. I like my counselor very much. She is the first counselor I have been to, who actually has a game plan as to how I can overcome my past. Instead of just having me talk and she listen. I am given homework so that I can work through issues that have been plaguing me for years. It is not an easy task. Unfortunately, in order to heal we must feel. And some of those memories are excruciatingly painful at times. She has encouraged me to love the little girl inside of me. Spoil her and show her she is loved. This is hard to do after so many years of suppressing those painful memories. Funny how when we suppress our feelings they surface in some other form. We think we are containing the pain when in reality we are only shifting it to some other area of our life. Recovery is like having an infection. You have to drain all the puss and nasty stuff inside, out of you, before you can actually heal. If the puss remains, we only become sicker. Our entire body suffers in some way. The body knows when we hurt. The pain has to come out, if we don't allow it to come out, then the body becomes sick in some manner. It takes different forms in different people. I have seen it cause depression in some, severe arthritis in another, ulcers, vertigo (which I have experienced) and in some cases possibly even cancer. So, if we want to be physically healthy, we must also become emotionally and spiritually healthy.
I feel quite confident I can overcome my past with time and the proper guidance I know I am strong enough to do it. God has used so many of my friends to help me through this process. I am truly blessed. When I took the buyout at toyota, I knew it would be a life changing experience I just never realized how deep the changes would go. He continually puts just the right person in my life at just the right time. I have always heard that God's timing is perfect but I am now experiencing just how perfect it truly is in a very real and very personal way.
Lord, I pray that you will continue to guide me on this path of not only self discovery, but a path of healing from the wounds of my past. I pray that you will allow me to use my experiences to help others overcome the wounds in their life also. Bring people into my life who I can share these experiences with. People who want to overcome the pain in their lives. Always, give me wisdom to know when to speak and when to keep my mouth shut. Fill me with your words. Help me to help them to know that they are loved. That they too, have a very loving God, a very personal God, who wants to help them to heal also. Thank you for putting these trials in my life, for without these trials, I would not be the person I am today. These are the things that have shaped me and made me into a person who has to trust her God. Trust Him to lead me where He wants me to go and trust that He is able to do all that He says He can, including healing me and making me a stronger, kinder, more loving individual. I pray all these things in your name. Amen.
One of my favorite verses in the Bible about tears is Psalm 56:8 the New International Version says: Record my lament; list my tears on your scroll-are they not in your record?
I find it amazing that God cares enough about me to record every tear I cry. He loves me that much and will never waste my tears without giving me something in return, if I seek Him.
The New American Standard version says it this way:
You have taken account of my wanderings; Put my tears in your bottle. Are they not in your book?
Wow! how amazing that he not only records my tears but he keeps my tears in a bottle. Our God loves us more then we can ever imagine. And when we hurt, he knows we are hurting. He is only waiting for us to come to Him so He can heal us from the hurts of this cruel world we live in.
Revelations 7:17
For the Lamb at the center of the throne will be their shepherd; he will lead them to springs of living water and God will wipe away every tear from their eyes.
A wild thought just crossed my mind. What if the tears God saves in a bottle are the springs of living water He is referring too. I am sure there are enough tears flowing in this cruel world to keep a spring flowing. Wow! what better way to use my tears then to bring life to others. He truly is an amazing God.
Rev. 21:4 he will wipe away every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, the old order of things has passed away. 5) He who was seated on the throne said, " I am making everything new!" Then He said, "Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true."
Here, He even states, Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true. He has made us a promise He intends to keep.
Psalm 126:5&6
Those who sow in tears will reap with songs of joy. 6) He who goes out weeping, carrying seed to sow, will return with songs of joy, carrying sheaves with him.
If we take our experiences and share them with others we will be blessed and we will see a harvest from our efforts.
Jeremiah 31:16&17
This is what the Lord says: "Restrain your voice from weeping and your eyes from tears, for your work will be rewarded," declares the Lord. " They will return from the land of the enemy. 17) So there is hope for your future," declares the Lord. "Your children will return to their own land.
He declares these things. The word declare in the dictionary means to proclaim, state emphatically. to make known publicly or to prove. God wants to prove to us that He means what He says. We can trust Him to do what He says He will do. I don't know about you but in todays world their are very few people you can trust to do what they say. And to me that means everything. I want to know I can count on someone. We can count on our God. He is always there and always available. 24/7. You will never get his voicemail or a busy signal. He doesn't screen His calls. He takes them all. As a matter of fact He sits patiently waiting for us to come to Him. So don't be afraid to give Him a call. He knows what you are feeling and wants to help you heal from the pain of your past. Just as He is helping me. I hope you too can find the strength and perseverence to join me a journey of healing. You are in my prayers.