Healing from my past

This has been an interesting week to say the least. I woke up Monday morning with a severe headache and nausea. I went in to work, got an adjustment from Doc. and went back home to sleep. Later in the day I was not feeling any better so I went back in for another adjustment. My daughter came over later in the evening and insisted I go to the E.R. and get a shot for the headache and nausea. So we spent about 4 hours in the E.R. but I did get a good nights sleep from it. I woke up Tues. still not feeling well and with a hangover from the pain shot and phenegran shot they had given me the night before, so once again I stayed home from work and slept. On Tuesday evening the diarhea started. So maybe it wasn't a migraine afterall. It is now 5a.m. on Sat. morning and I still have mild nausea after eating. Just wish it would go away. I find it ironic that I got sick at the end of a seven day fast from the internet. I was given a challenge from a friend to stay off the internet for seven days. Several people commented that I was having withdrawals from my fast. I thought this was funny at first but am now wondering, is there a connection? Guess I will have to pray about that one and see what God has to say about it.
I recently started counseling at the advice of a friend. Thursday was a rough session. She really had me thinking about my past. I had to fill out a form and list people in my life who had hurt me in some way. And then compare that with how I was treated in my childhood by various people. It was enlightening how I tend to pick men who treat me the same way I was treated as a child. We are now working on how I can overcome my past so that I pick men who will treat me the way God intended for a woman to be treated. I like my counselor very much. She is the first counselor I have been to, who actually has a game plan as to how I can overcome my past. Instead of just having me talk and she listen. I am given homework so that I can work through issues that have been plaguing me for years. It is not an easy task. Unfortunately, in order to heal we must feel. And some of those memories are excruciatingly painful at times. She has encouraged me to love the little girl inside of me. Spoil her and show her she is loved. This is hard to do after so many years of suppressing those painful memories. Funny how when we suppress our feelings they surface in some other form. We think we are containing the pain when in reality we are only shifting it to some other area of our life. Recovery is like having an infection. You have to drain all the puss and nasty stuff inside, out of you, before you can actually heal. If the puss remains, we only become sicker. Our entire body suffers in some way. The body knows when we hurt. The pain has to come out, if we don't allow it to come out, then the body becomes sick in some manner. It takes different forms in different people. I have seen it cause depression in some, severe arthritis in another, ulcers, vertigo (which I have experienced) and in some cases possibly even cancer. So, if we want to be physically healthy, we must also become emotionally and spiritually healthy.
I feel quite confident I can overcome my past with time and the proper guidance I know I am strong enough to do it. God has used so many of my friends to help me through this process. I am truly blessed. When I took the buyout at toyota, I knew it would be a life changing experience I just never realized how deep the changes would go. He continually puts just the right person in my life at just the right time. I have always heard that God's timing is perfect but I am now experiencing just how perfect it truly is in a very real and very personal way.
Lord, I pray that you will continue to guide me on this path of not only self discovery, but a path of healing from the wounds of my past. I pray that you will allow me to use my experiences to help others overcome the wounds in their life also. Bring people into my life who I can share these experiences with. People who want to overcome the pain in their lives. Always, give me wisdom to know when to speak and when to keep my mouth shut. Fill me with your words. Help me to help them to know that they are loved. That they too, have a very loving God, a very personal God, who wants to help them to heal also. Thank you for putting these trials in my life, for without these trials, I would not be the person I am today. These are the things that have shaped me and made me into a person who has to trust her God. Trust Him to lead me where He wants me to go and trust that He is able to do all that He says He can, including healing me and making me a stronger, kinder, more loving individual. I pray all these things in your name. Amen.
One of my favorite verses in the Bible about tears is Psalm 56:8 the New International Version says: Record my lament; list my tears on your scroll-are they not in your record?
I find it amazing that God cares enough about me to record every tear I cry. He loves me that much and will never waste my tears without giving me something in return, if I seek Him.
The New American Standard version says it this way:
You have taken account of my wanderings; Put my tears in your bottle. Are they not in your book?
Wow! how amazing that he not only records my tears but he keeps my tears in a bottle. Our God loves us more then we can ever imagine. And when we hurt, he knows we are hurting. He is only waiting for us to come to Him so He can heal us from the hurts of this cruel world we live in.
Revelations 7:17
For the Lamb at the center of the throne will be their shepherd; he will lead them to springs of living water and God will wipe away every tear from their eyes.
A wild thought just crossed my mind. What if the tears God saves in a bottle are the springs of living water He is referring too. I am sure there are enough tears flowing in this cruel world to keep a spring flowing. Wow! what better way to use my tears then to bring life to others. He truly is an amazing God.
Rev. 21:4 he will wipe away every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, the old order of things has passed away. 5) He who was seated on the throne said, " I am making everything new!" Then He said, "Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true."
Here, He even states, Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true. He has made us a promise He intends to keep.
Psalm 126:5&6
Those who sow in tears will reap with songs of joy. 6) He who goes out weeping, carrying seed to sow, will return with songs of joy, carrying sheaves with him.
If we take our experiences and share them with others we will be blessed and we will see a harvest from our efforts.
Jeremiah 31:16&17
This is what the Lord says: "Restrain your voice from weeping and your eyes from tears, for your work will be rewarded," declares the Lord. " They will return from the land of the enemy. 17) So there is hope for your future," declares the Lord. "Your children will return to their own land.
He declares these things. The word declare in the dictionary means to proclaim, state emphatically. to make known publicly or to prove. God wants to prove to us that He means what He says. We can trust Him to do what He says He will do. I don't know about you but in todays world their are very few people you can trust to do what they say. And to me that means everything. I want to know I can count on someone. We can count on our God. He is always there and always available. 24/7. You will never get his voicemail or a busy signal. He doesn't screen His calls. He takes them all. As a matter of fact He sits patiently waiting for us to come to Him. So don't be afraid to give Him a call. He knows what you are feeling and wants to help you heal from the pain of your past. Just as He is helping me. I hope you too can find the strength and perseverence to join me a journey of healing. You are in my prayers.

Life

It has been a couple of months since I have posted anything on here. It is time to post again. Recently I visited Toyota, my old place of employment. They were having a health fair and I talked to Sandy, the nurse, and asked if we could come and be a part of it. She was excited to have a chiropractor as part of the health fair. It was interesting going back. It felt so weird to drive through that gate again. Only this time as a visitor. After the health fair ended I stayed through their lunch to see all my old friends. It was good to see everyone. I was surprised to see how some had aged considerably in just the four or five short months I have been gone. It was the same atmosphere. Everyone was so negative. Not much has changed there just the faces. They had a lot of temporaries and again they are working a lot of overtime. Not much laughter or fun goes on there anymore. It is a shame a place that could be so awesome to work at has become a prison to so many. I know how they feel because I felt that way also. It seems as if management does not allow fun. I know when I was there if they saw someone enjoying there job it seemed as if they would do something (make some silly rule) that would stop the fun. I am not saying people should do things that are unsafe. But I see nothing wrong with someone enjoying their job. Why does management feel a need to steal peoples joy. Are they so miserable that they want everyone else to be miserable too? I used to love that job. But as management changed, the rules changed and those rules felt like chains, imprisoning those that work there. Dooming them to a lifetime sentence of misery. Holding people down and frustrating them to the point of resentment and anger. It is no wonder that moral is so bad in that place. I just wish management could see how they are destroying that place one rule at a time. Once again, I am so thankful that God chose to remove me from that prison. I am much happier because of it.

Who am I anyway.

Lately God has been showing me just who I am. I am rediscovering myself and enjoying every minute of it. Life is good for the most part. I still have some missing pieces I would like to find. But that will come in God's timing. I am willing to wait. I know God will bless me if I wait patiently. I Bought me a camera and joined a camera club. I have always loved taking pictures but could never afford to buy a nice camera. Well, I splurged and did just that. And I am loving it. When I tested with the career consultant one of my top jobs was photography. I think it was second to cosmetology. Can't see me doing that. I think that would bore me to tears after a short while. So, photography and writing are my top two picks. I am sitting back and waiting to see just how God will use these two gifts. I think the most awesome job to have would be to travel, photograph the places I visit and write about them for a travel magazine. Now that would be a dream come true. The only thing that would make it better would be to have the love of my life (????) join me.

2 months into my journey

God is so very good. Yesterday I went to dinner with my daughter and son in law to celebrate her 25th birthday. I also got to spend time with my son this week who was in town for my parents 50th wedding anniversary. He brought his girlfriend and she seems very sweet. I could not be more blessed. I have two incredible children and a great son in law.
I finished the story for Mom and Dad's 50th wedding anniversary. It is quite long but I think you will enjoy it. Here it is:

50 Years Together

For years, while growing up, in the small town of Wheelersburg, Ohio, Mom and Dad played George Jones on the stereo. One of their favorite songs was 4 0 33 and I never understood the significance of it, until I got older. Mom liked it so well she had the numbers 4033 put on the mailbox, next to the house, where she receives packages. For all of you who either have never heard the song or didn’t pay any attention when you did, here are the words.

We’re the two new people that’s moved to the middle of the block
And we’re the talk of the town and don’t you think we’re not.
For we’ve got love and happiness people envy us you see.
For we found heaven right here on earth at 4 0 33.
Yes we found what most people are looking for.
And it’s not a lotta money to spend on a real fine car.
It’s a window where a bird flies and sings so free
And there’s a whole lotta windows in this little house at 4 0 33
The four thousandth block proves what true love can do.
Once a lonely place but was sold to me and you.
Oh all around the house you can see little children play.
And they’re not other people kids we’re proud to say.
They are the symbol of our love for all the world to see.
They’re a part of heaven right here on earth at 4 0 33.
All hours of the day you can see many people drive by.
For a look at the house they think fell from the sky.
They think that this place would make them as happy as you and me.
And the whole towns trying to buy our house at 4 0 33.
REFRAIN
We’re not gonna sale our happy little house at 4 0 33.
Wouldn’t take a pretty thing for the love we had at 4 0 33.

As you all know we are here today to honor my parents. They truly lived the life of this song. George Jones could not have written a more perfect song for this occasion.
What is the recipe for 50 years of marriage? Is it true love, marrying your soul mate, sheer determination, or pure stubbornness or maybe a combination of all four?
Dad and Mom, also known as Bob and Johnnie, were married Aug. 22, 1959. Now seven kids and fourteen grandchildren later they are celebrating 50 years of marriage, a feat in itself, much less surviving raising seven children.
Mom said it took her six months to get a date with Dad. “He didn’t want to take me out because I was Catholic but when we finally went out he knocked my socks off with the first kiss and has been doing it ever since.”
On their 32nd wedding anniversary my dad planned the evening. He wanted to recreate that first date. So Mom got all dressed up and even put on lipstick, which she rarely ever wore. Dad showed up at the house in a limousine dressed in bibbed overalls with one pant leg rolled up and a straw in his mouth. He was carrying a coffee can with silk flowers in it. It was certainly a night to remember. My mom could not stop laughing and who could resist that infectious laugh. It always echoed throughout the house.
On their 33rd anniversary they decided to renew their vows. They both loved the song Meet in the Middle by Diamond Rio, so they modeled the ceremony after the song. Which says, “I’d start walking your way, You’d start walking mine, We’d meet in the middle, ‘Neath that old Georgia Pine, We’d gain a lot of ground ‘Cause we’d both give a little, and there ain’t no road too long, when you meet in the middle.” They had a pine tree in the yard that Dad built a gazebo around and he poured a sidewalk leading to it. Mom was on one end of the walk and Dad on the other and they met in the middle and renewed their vowels “’Neath that old Georgia Pine.” It was a very touching ceremony.
They truly found what most people are looking for. Their love was apparent to everyone, especially us children. They were not afraid to show their affection and they didn’t seem to mind embarrassing us kids with a passionate kiss.
I remember walking into the kitchen when I was young and seeing Mom and Dad kissing passionately. I thought “yuck, how embarrassing” and ran out of the room as fast as possible feeling I had seen something I shouldn’t have.
My brother, Tom, recalled a story, after the four oldest kids had left home, when it was just him, Jenny and Josh. They had all gone to a movie together leaving Mom and Dad home alone. They were given strict instructions to come straight home after the movie. Upon arriving home they found dad coming out of his bedroom pulling up his pants and holding his t-shirt in his hand. He asked “what are you doing home so early.” Tom said, “You told us to come straight home” and Dad said “oh, well then, just go to bed.” And then of course there was the Hulk Hogan incident that I won’t elaborate on.
Other times I remember Dad kneeling beside his Sugar Babe, patting her on the leg and kissing her affectionately on the cheek. No two people could be more in love.
Mom and Dad were obviously meant to be parents; and we seven can testify that they were both very good at it. When I asked Mom why did you have seven kids, she said “all I had to do was wash my underwear with your dads and I got pregnant.” With seven kids, there was always something going on around the house, which brought much delight to Mom and Dad. They both loved children and Mom especially loved babies. We even had two foster children for a while but when the time came, it was difficult to give them up. Nothing thrilled Mom’s heart more then holding a baby.
As a child, it seemed to me, Mom was always pregnant. I remember Dad getting all of his brothers and sisters together to make yet another announcement but when he stood up, someone shouted, “WE KNOW BOB, JOHNNIE IS PREGNANT!” So Dad just sat back down and they all burst into laughter not knowing what to make of it.
When you come from a large family any get together is a major event. For friends who are not familiar with the extended families, my dad had six brothers and two sisters, nine kids in all. And although my mom only had one sister, between the two of them, they had fourteen children, seven in each family. So any family event will no doubt be huge but that keeps life interesting. There is never a dull moment at Mom and Dad’s house.
I remember numerous get togethers when I was a little. Family reunions in the summer time and of course my favorite, the Christmas parties in the winter. Mom always got out the good dishes and the Christmas table cloth. The house looked like a hallmark store with all the decorations and the kitchen smelled incredible. She would spend hours baking cookies and candy so that all of her and Dad’s family could be together at Christmas. There was always a house full at these functions and we always had a great time.
My dad was quite the storyteller, telling stories about growing up with eight siblings. And let’s not forget the stories about his father, my papaw, whom they called Pader. Papaw liked his moonshine and had his own still. He used to keep my dad home from school to make moonshine while he was off getting drunk. He had numerous close calls with the law but he would just move the still to another location. As he got older, he became quite subdued. Mostly due to the shoebox full of pills that he washed down with a beer. His moonshine days were over only to be replaced with a cold beer.
Now Mom was totally different from Dad. She didn’t mind setting back and letting Dad have the spotlight. She was perfectly content staying home, chasing after little ones and making our house a home. She always cooked the most amazing food, like homemade bread and homemade spaghetti sauce. She made everything from scratch. I remember she always made homemade hot chocolate after we had been sleigh riding. What an incredible treat after playing in the snow. I can remember her making some of our clothes also. She even made matching dresses for us girls.
We grew up in a two story house on Hamilton Ave. We have a lot of good memories from that old house. We would get all the neighborhood kids together, the Bobst, Colette Conn, and anyone else we could find to join us. We would all dress up and have parades, as well as put on plays in our garage. We would make Mom and Mrs. Bobst come and pay a quarter to watch
We all worked together just as a family should. We raised a garden and everyone played a part. I can remember that old concrete picnic table, in the back yard, piled high with corn, tomatoes, and cucumbers, as well as many other things we had grown in our garden. Then the hard work began. Mom would can and freeze as much as possible so we had fresh vegetables for the winter. Dinner was always well orchestrated. We all took turns. I would peel potatoes, Karen would set the table, and Cathy would make the tea and mash the potatoes. There was no TV in the kitchen. Dinner time was family time and I loved that. It was one thing you could always count on. We all had chores to do also. We took turns doing dishes, washing and drying. Everyone helped out. Saturday was cleaning day. We divided up the chores, picking things up, vacuuming, dusting and cleaning the bathrooms. We were the true American family that so many kids long for today.
Karen and I were reminiscing about things like raising chinchilla’s. We had two hundred of them at one point. Now that was a chore. And then there were the times we would set around the kitchen, with a jar of cream, passing it back and forth, shaking it until it became homemade butter. What a treat. I still love butter today. We made ice cream floats on Friday nights. Mom would buy a six pack of Barq’s flavored sodas and we would all sit at the kitchen table and have family time. Then of course, there were the things we missed when we moved out. Such as waking up to Dad’s voice, singing outside at top of his lungs and the smell of breakfast cooking in the kitchen.
Mom and Dad shared the discipline and neither was a stranger to the paddle. None of us kids have forgotten the Plexiglas paddle Dad made for Mom. He even engraved (on it) Mommy’s “please do stick.” It definitely got results. Just to let you in on a little secret, we found the perfect hiding place for that foreboding piece of plastic. Then there were the dreaded words, “just wait till your Father get’s home.” We knew worse was yet to come. As we got older, Dad became more creative in his discipline. I remember once getting into a fight with my older brother Harry. We were only a year apart but he seemed to thrive on annoying me. Well, Dad got the brilliant idea to stop our fighting by making us spend the rest of the day side by side. And to make sure that happened he tied us together, opposite legs and opposite arms. I guess when you have seven children you have to get creative sometimes. The only time we could separate was to go to the bathroom. I was never so glad for a day to end. Talk about torture. I made it a point to get along with everyone for at least a week after that ordeal.
Since we could not afford to eat out we would get cheeseburgers from Burger Chef because they were only .39 on Tuesdays and watch Eight is Enough, a family favorite. Jenny remembers coloring Dad a picture, each time he went out of town to work, and putting it in his hat before she went to bed, knowing he would be gone when she woke up. She did not like the fact that her Daddy would be gone for an entire week.
On Sunday morning, Dad would take Jenny and Tom to Catechism at St. Monica’s in New Boston and drop them off. Since Josh was too young to go, Dad would take him to Toytown and let him play. He loved to watch the toy trains that were set up inside the store. Some of his favorite memories include Mom picking up her best friend Darlene and heading to Portsmouth to shop. They would always go to Marting’s and ride the elevator up to the third floor to buy candy at the candy store.
When the T.V. show Roots made its debut, Harry became curious about our heritage and wanted to know more. So Dad decided to take us on a road trip. My grandpa had told Dad we were originally from Virginia. So Mom and Dad decided to find out more. We drove to an area in Virginia that my Dad had heard about as a child and began our search. We saw historical signs with John Mullins’ name on it and began to stop at various small businesses and inquire about the Mullins’. We were given directions to the home of an elderly lady named Martha Mullins, after talking to her she recalled the birth of my grandfather. This was the beginning of many new discoveries about the family. Now when we have a Mullins reunion, you will find some of the people we met in Virginia still attend. Mom said it was a horrible trip because about all the kids got car sick. This was a first; it was usually only me that did that.
What is the recipe for 50 years of marriage, you ask? You will have to ask them but whatever it is they have the perfect recipe.
The years have taken there toll on both of them but their love endures. There was much laughter and tears throughout the years but that is how life was “at the happy little house at 4033.”



By: Marty Shuff
Aug. 15, 2009

Today is Saturday, July 11. I have now been unemployed for two weeks. I must say I do not enjoy the job search experience. It is not fun but a test in endurance for sure. I have the possibility of one job. But don't know for sure yet. I have enjoyed my time off but managing my time is another story. It is definately difficult to do wisely. I have stayed very busy just doing things I enjoy and going to lunch with girlfriends. God is teaching me many things these days. Mostly self discipline. He has asked me to give up things and is also adding new things to my list of things to do. I am taking classes at the carnegie center on writing and am enjoying that very much. I am learning alot about critiquing and what to look for. My group is a very friendly group and very accepting of everyone. I am currently working on writing a piece my mother has asked me to write, for their 50th wedding anniversary, that is coming up in Aug. That will be interesting. With 50 years and 7 kids it may be difficult to keep that one short. I will soon be writing my testimony also. I think everyone should write theirs for their children if for no other reason. Then I intend to start piecing together the book God has laid on my heart to write. That will no doubt be a lengthy endeavor. But I am anxious to start on it. I need to finish this so I can manage my time better. I will write more later. Hope you all have a great weekend.

My new adventure begins.

Yesterday was my last day of employment at Toyota. It was a bittersweet day. It began with me waking up to a thunderstorm at 4 A.M. Then while driving to work I turned into Gate 5 at Toyota and looked up into the sky to see a beautiful rainbow waiting just for me. I felt as if it was a sign from God. His way of saying this is a new beginning Marty. His covenant to me that there is something better waiting for me. I am very excited to see what He does with my life next. That was again confirmation that I am right where He wants me, and gave me the strength to get through a day of saying goodbye to many wonderful people who have become my family and friends over the past twenty years. I will miss that place and the fun we had. Unfortunately, things do not stay the same. If we want to experience growth we have to be willing to get outside of our comfort zones in order to do that. When I left, I called a friend and she told me about someone who was looking for a writer to write lyrics for her music. I will be contacting this lady soon. I also went to a cookout with a friend and met another christian lady who does freelance writing. She is going to meet with me also and discuss how I can get started. Funny, how when we take the first step of obedience, God meets us and supplies what we need to keep us going in the direction He wants us to take. God truly is an awesome God and I love the adventure He has begun in my life. I love to sit back and watch Him work. He never ceases to amaze me with not only what He does but how He does it. I have an idea for a book that He gave to me and I will be starting on it soon. I can't wait to see where that leads. And to top it all off today is my birthday. I am 47 years old and loving life to its fullest. God truly does answer prayer but rarely in a way we expect or in the time frame we want.

The interviewing begins

Today is the first day of June. I have 25 days to go until I am no longer employed by Toyota. I had my first job interview today and it was a rather strange experience. I had sent my resume to a job posting for a pharmaceutical sales rep. training position. When I arrived and started the interview, I discovered that the job was actually a manager trainee position for AT&T. The interviewer and I discussed this and neither could figure out what happened. She asked if I was interested in this other position and I said sure why not. I am already here might as well interview for it. When I arrived home I looked at the position again because I had printed it out and it was for a pharmaceutical sales rep. Same company, address, phone number and contact person I spoke to. Strange but who knows, maybe it is a God thing. Figured I would go with the flow and see what happens.
My online classes are progressing slower than I had hoped but I am still plugging away it trying to complete as many as I can. I finished powerpoint level one today, finally. That was a long class. Next I have to complete Excel level 1. That is another long class. I will work on it tomorrow.
Next week I start classes at the carnegie center to practice my writing skills. I am definately looking forward to those. The carnegie center is a great resource that I intend to use as much as possible. Hope you all have a great night. Think I will head to bed. Since I still have to get up at 5AM for a few more days anyway.

How God Leads

This journey of finding my destiny has been incredible so far. God just continues to amaze me. I don't know why I am amazed when He answers my prays but I truly am. I think it is because He answers in such a personal way. No one has ever responded to me in such a personal way, not even my closest friends. Ever since I made this decision, He continuously puts people in my path that I need at that very moment. He also sends acknowledgement and words of encouragement to me, almost daily. This week alone He has added another name to the list of people that could play a significant role in seeing this dream become reality.
I received a copy of Wings of Hope magazine on Monday with my first published pieces of work. It was very exciting to see my words in print. I submitted two more articles to the magazine this week and the publisher sent me an email saying," the two articles you sent me last night were what I needed and what I'd been struggling with. I was very shocked it was like you were inside my head." Wow!!! Isn't God amazing. Talk about encouraging that made me realize I truly am right where God wants me at this very moment in time. I was given the name of a christian psychologist to talk to about helping with the book. I have put in a call and am waiting for his response. I don't know where all this will lead but I do know that God is teaching me that if I give Him my destiny He will provide what I need. That He is trustworthy and faithful. He is truly growing my faith by leaps and bounds. There is no high, like the most high. What a ride!!!

God provides

God is truly an amazing God. He continuously blows me away with the things he does in my life. If I ask Him to show me something, He is faithful to do just that. Especially, when it involves a relationship I am in. I have asked him to show me, the true nature of the person I am with and inevitably He does. Each time I have asked him to reveal the truth to me, He has done it in a manner that was undeniable. Even though, I still find myself, not wanting to believe what He has shown me, in the end I realize that He sees everything and ultimately knows best. Too many times, I have gotten involved in a relationship that is not up to His standards and I am the one who ends up with the broken heart. When will I ever learn?
Lately, God has been putting people in my path just as I need them. As soon as this opportunity presented itself, I called my christian mentors and Sheila immediately gave me the name of an awesome christian career consultant that she knew and things have been happening like that ever since. Just last week, I was taking a class in Lexington about job interviews and I began to tell the teacher my story. He immediately told me about a local author (Neil Chethik) that worked at the center. He gave me his e-mail address and phone number and I called and set an appointment with him. I met with him yesterday and he had lots of good advice to give to a new writer.
About three weeks ago, God gave me an idea for a book, complete with a title. I am very anxious to get started on this project. But am currently taking computer classes online through the university of toyota. Since I only have about seven weeks left at toyota, I am trying to get as many classes, on computers, that I can get, in that time frame. I am also taking classes at a literacy center in Lexington that focuses on my writing skills. My life is very busy at the moment so writing a book will have to be put on hold at least until I can complete some of these courses. I am, however, looking for research material in the meantime. I have found several good books with information relating to my topic. I am anxious to see this project come together.

Distracted from the decision

Within a week or two of getting this news about the buyout option, my daughters dog, who had become my dog, since she moved out, suddenly became ill. Precious was 16 years old but still in what I thought was really good health. She would sometimes cough and occasionally throw up. Then the coughing got worse. I took her to the vet and they said she had fluid around her heart and needed a heart pill and a diuretic to remove the fluid and get her heart beating correctly. A couple of days after putting her on the medication she began to throw up at least twice a day. So I took her back to the vet on Monday. They gave her a shot for the vomiting and pills for it also. I took her home and tried to get her to eat and drink. She would eat very little and drink occasionally. She was vomiting two to four times a day now. So on Wed. we went back to the vet for yet another shot for nausea and vomiting. It didn't seem to help. Thurs. she was getting her appetite back and drinking more by herself. Unfortunately, this only lasted a day. On Fri. she had a mild seizure and began vomiting again. Back to vet for another shot. She had lost two pounds by now. I tried force feeding fluids throughout the week. But it only upset her and she would throw up soon after taking it in. She had another seizure on Saturday. A little worse then the first one. Then on Sunday, while I was getting ready to leave for church she began to vomit and went into a bad seizure. She was spewing vomit as she slung her head back and forth. Then her back arched so severely I thought it would break. She looked me square in the eye and screamed in pain. I could not take anymore, so I called my daughter, Ashley and informed her that I had decided it was time to put Precious to sleep. I did not want her to suffer like that again. Even though it was Sunday I called my vet and he told me to meet him at his office. Ashley and Forrest (her husband) came to the house and off we went. Brian D. met us there also. I did not want to have to make this decision. Dr. Cleveland proceeded to anethesize her so she wouldn't feel any pain. After she went under he proceeded to put her to sleep. Forrest then built a wooden box for a coffin and we went out to his parents farm and buried her. Brian was a tremendous comfort to me in this time of need. I was so thankful he cared enough to be a part of it. It meant the world to me. Then, Ashley and I spent the afternoon grieving our loss and reminiscing about how Ashley had begged to have Precious for a pet and what an awesome pet she had been. Even this, I feel played a part in this journey I am on. I feel Precious being ill was a much needed distraction to keep me from overthinking this decision. I will miss her terribly and will not be getting another dog anytime soon. Who knows what my next job will entail. I will have to wait and see where I end up and if it is even feasible to have a dog. Precious died on March 8th. I had to make my decision by the March 20th. So I now had less than two weeks to make my decision. God knows what we need and brings it to us in what may seem like an untimely manner. But He sees the entire picture and pieces it together for us in small doses. He knows we would probably be totally overwhelmed if we saw the whole picture. Plus, it builds our faith, this way we have to trust Him every step of the way.

The Journey Begins

That night I called both my mentors and told them the situation. Sheila immediately guided me to a career consultant that she knew personally. I called her the next day and made an appointment to see her. The journey had begun. I fully expected the career consultant to tell me to keep my job since I have little education past a high school diploma and the economy being what it is did I actually stand a chance of getting a job even half as good as the one I am currently doing. Then God began to move. I heard a song on the radio on K-Love it is called The Motions by Matthew West. It goes like this: This might hurt, it's not safe, but I know that I've gotta make a change. I don't care if I break at least I'll be feeling something, cause just ok is not enough. Help me fight through the nothingness of life. I don't wanna go through the motions, I don't wanna go one more day, without your all consuming passion inside of me. I don't wanna spend my whole life asking WHAT IF I HAD GIVEN EVERYTHING? Instead of going through the motions. No regrets, not this time, I'm gonna let my heart defeat my mind. Let your love make me whole. I think I'm finally feeling something. Take me all the way. Take me all the way.
That song spoke volumes to me. In my eyes it was God speaking directly to me. I had felt those emotions a lot over the past 20 years. That I was only going through the motions to bring home a paycheck.

I have always had a passion for writing ever since I was a teenager. I love anything to do with art. Drawing, painting, photography, pottery, you name it and I have probably tried it. So growing up I planned to go to college and be an interior designer. Well, being young and in love I opted out of college at the last minute and decided to get married instead. Talk about changing your destiny. So instead of going off to college I started working as a cashier in a grocery store and within a year I was pregnant. So my destiny went from becoming an interior designer to working several different low paying jobs and raising my son, as well as try to make a marriage work. Within two years I had a daughter, so now there were two mouths to feed. I continued working outside the home in various jobs, from cashier to nursing assistant, among others. Eventually, I landed a really good paying job (considering I had no education) in a manufacturing plant in the town I lived in. It was very boring and monotonous work, with lots of overtime. Being a very creative and artsy type person this was not at all enjoyable for me but we as parents do what we have to do to survive and earn a living. Eventually, my marriage came to an end. Now, with two children to raise on my own, I am really feeling stuck in the job I am in. There is no way to express your creative side in the field of manufacturing. So, I continued to hate my job daily. I decided this is not where God wanted me to be, so I began to pray that God would help me find another job. I had joined a very loving and caring sunday school class at my church and had befriended two very special ladies who took me under their wings and began to mentor me. Diane began to pray that God would take me out of the work environment I was in and place me somewhere that would be a more Godly environment. Then the economy went bad and the manufacturing plant I work for started reducing the volume of vehicles it was producing. The overtime stopped completely and the company began to look for ways to cut expenses. They decided to offer a buyout so they could hopefully avoid layoffs. At first, I thought there is no way I can take this buyout but before the day was over, God had planted a seed of hope in my heart and mind that maybe, just maybe this was an answer to prayer.