Distracted from the decision

Within a week or two of getting this news about the buyout option, my daughters dog, who had become my dog, since she moved out, suddenly became ill. Precious was 16 years old but still in what I thought was really good health. She would sometimes cough and occasionally throw up. Then the coughing got worse. I took her to the vet and they said she had fluid around her heart and needed a heart pill and a diuretic to remove the fluid and get her heart beating correctly. A couple of days after putting her on the medication she began to throw up at least twice a day. So I took her back to the vet on Monday. They gave her a shot for the vomiting and pills for it also. I took her home and tried to get her to eat and drink. She would eat very little and drink occasionally. She was vomiting two to four times a day now. So on Wed. we went back to the vet for yet another shot for nausea and vomiting. It didn't seem to help. Thurs. she was getting her appetite back and drinking more by herself. Unfortunately, this only lasted a day. On Fri. she had a mild seizure and began vomiting again. Back to vet for another shot. She had lost two pounds by now. I tried force feeding fluids throughout the week. But it only upset her and she would throw up soon after taking it in. She had another seizure on Saturday. A little worse then the first one. Then on Sunday, while I was getting ready to leave for church she began to vomit and went into a bad seizure. She was spewing vomit as she slung her head back and forth. Then her back arched so severely I thought it would break. She looked me square in the eye and screamed in pain. I could not take anymore, so I called my daughter, Ashley and informed her that I had decided it was time to put Precious to sleep. I did not want her to suffer like that again. Even though it was Sunday I called my vet and he told me to meet him at his office. Ashley and Forrest (her husband) came to the house and off we went. Brian D. met us there also. I did not want to have to make this decision. Dr. Cleveland proceeded to anethesize her so she wouldn't feel any pain. After she went under he proceeded to put her to sleep. Forrest then built a wooden box for a coffin and we went out to his parents farm and buried her. Brian was a tremendous comfort to me in this time of need. I was so thankful he cared enough to be a part of it. It meant the world to me. Then, Ashley and I spent the afternoon grieving our loss and reminiscing about how Ashley had begged to have Precious for a pet and what an awesome pet she had been. Even this, I feel played a part in this journey I am on. I feel Precious being ill was a much needed distraction to keep me from overthinking this decision. I will miss her terribly and will not be getting another dog anytime soon. Who knows what my next job will entail. I will have to wait and see where I end up and if it is even feasible to have a dog. Precious died on March 8th. I had to make my decision by the March 20th. So I now had less than two weeks to make my decision. God knows what we need and brings it to us in what may seem like an untimely manner. But He sees the entire picture and pieces it together for us in small doses. He knows we would probably be totally overwhelmed if we saw the whole picture. Plus, it builds our faith, this way we have to trust Him every step of the way.

The Journey Begins

That night I called both my mentors and told them the situation. Sheila immediately guided me to a career consultant that she knew personally. I called her the next day and made an appointment to see her. The journey had begun. I fully expected the career consultant to tell me to keep my job since I have little education past a high school diploma and the economy being what it is did I actually stand a chance of getting a job even half as good as the one I am currently doing. Then God began to move. I heard a song on the radio on K-Love it is called The Motions by Matthew West. It goes like this: This might hurt, it's not safe, but I know that I've gotta make a change. I don't care if I break at least I'll be feeling something, cause just ok is not enough. Help me fight through the nothingness of life. I don't wanna go through the motions, I don't wanna go one more day, without your all consuming passion inside of me. I don't wanna spend my whole life asking WHAT IF I HAD GIVEN EVERYTHING? Instead of going through the motions. No regrets, not this time, I'm gonna let my heart defeat my mind. Let your love make me whole. I think I'm finally feeling something. Take me all the way. Take me all the way.
That song spoke volumes to me. In my eyes it was God speaking directly to me. I had felt those emotions a lot over the past 20 years. That I was only going through the motions to bring home a paycheck.

I have always had a passion for writing ever since I was a teenager. I love anything to do with art. Drawing, painting, photography, pottery, you name it and I have probably tried it. So growing up I planned to go to college and be an interior designer. Well, being young and in love I opted out of college at the last minute and decided to get married instead. Talk about changing your destiny. So instead of going off to college I started working as a cashier in a grocery store and within a year I was pregnant. So my destiny went from becoming an interior designer to working several different low paying jobs and raising my son, as well as try to make a marriage work. Within two years I had a daughter, so now there were two mouths to feed. I continued working outside the home in various jobs, from cashier to nursing assistant, among others. Eventually, I landed a really good paying job (considering I had no education) in a manufacturing plant in the town I lived in. It was very boring and monotonous work, with lots of overtime. Being a very creative and artsy type person this was not at all enjoyable for me but we as parents do what we have to do to survive and earn a living. Eventually, my marriage came to an end. Now, with two children to raise on my own, I am really feeling stuck in the job I am in. There is no way to express your creative side in the field of manufacturing. So, I continued to hate my job daily. I decided this is not where God wanted me to be, so I began to pray that God would help me find another job. I had joined a very loving and caring sunday school class at my church and had befriended two very special ladies who took me under their wings and began to mentor me. Diane began to pray that God would take me out of the work environment I was in and place me somewhere that would be a more Godly environment. Then the economy went bad and the manufacturing plant I work for started reducing the volume of vehicles it was producing. The overtime stopped completely and the company began to look for ways to cut expenses. They decided to offer a buyout so they could hopefully avoid layoffs. At first, I thought there is no way I can take this buyout but before the day was over, God had planted a seed of hope in my heart and mind that maybe, just maybe this was an answer to prayer.